hi

Soooo ive been wittering on through blogs about my singing. I've finally got round to putting a video up on youtube.. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8p1H9EWwMpc

Comment on the video to tell me what you think :)

cheeers

  xxx

mert

I started to write a post and then i thought id look back on my latest one to see what id put last and woah how things have changed in a couple of months, so now i feel the need to fill you in.


Reet,


remember i told you about the first dickhead who messed me about? welllllllllllllllllllllllll, he messaged me like a month or 2 ago and then basically we were talking again and me stupidly went back to him and then it was all going very well and he was genuinely sorry and he really wanted to make it up to me and then we were on and off, he stopped talking for a while because of family reasons and so things we're shaky from there. Anyway long story short turns out i should have never gone back to him as as soon as i was unsure about the whole thing and said so, he flipped started calling me all the names under the sun, and being a right cunt. ... again, nice one (Y)


so yeah atm i suppose im pretty chilled. I honestly dont want to moan and drag on about all the shit things happening, makes me sound like a reet moany cow, and i dont want to be percieved as that. Lets just say things aren't going the way i want it to go. I want to be happy. 


There's a little niggling in the back of head right now and yet again its do with a boy :P honestly i dont have feelings for him (not that type of whinge) well i did but not anymore. Just he's playing on my mind about the way i treated him. I know im such a hypocrite moaning on about how guys play me, but i feel awful about how i treated this one guy. We we're friends before but not anymore. He started a blog now actually and im hoping he's reading this. Sorry if im repeating myself but thats honestly how bad i feel i cant think straight when im trying to explain.  It all happened a while ago but everytime i see his picture or something about him i feel guilty, and thats not hard seeing as he's best friends with my best friend. I want to be friends. I want it to be ok, and tbh i miss you :( 


Im sorry.




Nice negative vibe to end on there ;)


bye pal 
  xxx


And btw i never got round to writing that song   |
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and i dont want you to go and i dont want you to stay..

the title of this blog is going to be the beginning of a chorus of a song im about to write.


Hi, long time. I have been trying to write something for a while but just didnt know how to put it. Blogger.com; profile; new post..... and now what? im stuck, again.


So ive decided there is actually no need in boys. Now, now dont straight away think im going to moan and whinge about my love life i think this is a little deeper than that. I swear i must have 'please mess me about' tattooed on my forehead or something and guys just seem to think that is acceptable. why do you think its ok guys? you think its fun messing with a girls feelings?, do you think its great when you ruin someones night because that person cant stop looking at you? do you think its acceptable to go and have sex with another girl when you know full well that that girl who has been trying to catch your eye all night and sort this whole relationship out is head over heels in love with you?


I, personally, dont think thats ok, fun or acceptable in any size shape or form


you see first of all we have the ginger weedhead wanker, and boy did he mess me about. 'I really like you' mess about, stood up and then loose contact. 'Ive never stopped liking you' mess about stood up and then loose contact. Nice you you make up wearing heel wearing emo american wannabe ginger faggot.


Then theres the sex god, PHWOOOAR! that wasnt too bad as ginner up there^ had already made me not trust guys in the slightest ever again, cheers pal.


The immature bastard who told me that he loved me after a week of knowing me-freak. then decides to stop texting then the next day he'd got a girlfriend.


Then finally the one who has upset me the most. I cant even think of any bad nicknames for him. To be quite honest its my fault how upset i am i should have known not to go anywhere near him. He went out with my best friend, cheated on her with my other bestfriend, then cheated on her with someone else and then cheated on that person with the other best friend, again. I know why did even go in 10 foot distance from him right? silly me. The thing about this douchebag is that he's actually a sweetie under this hard fighting drug shell, and i was vulnerable and he was cute to me. and now i cant stop thinking about this dick. He fucked me about big time. I dont like him, well at least im trying to tell myself i dont. I just miss the cute times with him.  



And now this is where i am, ive dug myself a little hideyhole and i dont see myself coming out and being back to normal for a while. I hate this feeling, but because ive been feeling like this for so long, ive got used to it and its like second nature to me now.


us girls are just stupid enough to go along with whatever our man wants even if it mean us getting hurt in the long run. It could go two ways, being happy or being sad. My theory is what is the actual point?

Changling..

Its seems-lol- that every time my dear friend Francesca writes a blog it always makes me to write another one. I've been tempted, but it would just be pointless. I just read the last blog i did and its really quite strange, I've changed but i honestly didn't notice it, quite odd. So practically all of the new years resolutions have been broken, thats about it on that subject.- Just to fill you in.


 Its exactly one week 'till my birthday, and ill be 16, to be honest with you, its the only birthday Ive been excited for, Obviously there were ones when i was little, but that just beside the point. But yeah, me and a handful of friends are going to a very nice and sparkly restaurant in Horseforth, and it gives me something to look forward and dress up for, just a little ;) Girls just love to dress up, dont they?


On the college front: Im not going. Ha.Ha. After, waffling on through all those blogs, I've decided i need to get my academics first, and then if i still feel like it, then i will try and go down that route, but for now i need to get some a-levels under my belt. English Lit, English Lang, Psychology, and history, and the history is a big maybe!  I've stopped panicking about the future, and tbh im just trying to embrace it, and im a teeny-weeny bit looking forward to it, id like to be a bit more independent thank you very much. 


Atm, im going through a rough patch, and when i do begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel, something new crops up, and it seems to be never-ending .Bummer. Dont get me wrong i do have friends that support me, and im sure if i told them what was really wrong they'll come running in a hurry. - that all seems to be a little bit dramatic. But ah well, it would be a bit of a boring blog if it was all like: Today was good, Tomorrow will be Fine..... you catch my drift? Hopefully. 

Title:

I didn't know what to put for the title so as you can see i named this one 'title'


So it's the 22nd of December and a couple of days until Christmas, problem is i don't feel christmassy not at all, and the new year is coming up, the new year just reminds me of what a waste of time the past year has been. I haven't achieved much in 2010, tbh it hasn't been a great year. So i have set this blog off on a very negative vibe, and I'm trying to think of something to lift the vibe,............................ nope cant think of anything :/ Got a letter through from the college, and it basically says i got in (: so I'm one step closer to growing up eeeeeek, I'm doing a course in music theatre whoop whoop, one way where you can be such a drama queen and not get mucky looks, get in!


It seems i have written very little, feels like i have wrote loads, Ive tended to keep things too myself recently, except when i get drunk, everything comes out, and its not a pretty sight! So maybe that's why I'm finding it a bit difficult to find anything interesting to say. I seem to have made amends with certain people who i thought i had lost contact with, which is good. I spent some of my early Christmas money on Christmas presents which I'm quite proud of :D 


New years revolutions:
-BE A BETTER PERSON!: this is top of my list as i feel like an absolute bitch sometimes, and i don't like myself when I'm like that.
-Realise that boys aren't everything
- CONCENTRATE ON WORK AND LEARNING!: else I'm going to get nowhere :S
-Spend some more time with the fam as it is key atm


I bet on the actual night i will have thought of waaaaaay more than that, but for now good bye, and mereh cwismas and an 'appy newh year ;) xo




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Everythings slowwwwww

So i think its time for a moaning sesh, as i said in my title, everythings slooooooooooooooooow, i feel that my life has just come to a hault and its not going anywhere, or its going as slowly as it possible could be.


These past couple of weeks have been hard for me, and i have to worry about exams coming up next week, but with so much going on its hard to revise. This is just an excuse i suppose but i just literally cant be bothered, im failing in subjects that im just not concentrating in, even the ones i actually like! this is the best/unusual way of describing it but i just feel BLEAUUGHHHHHHHH! If i sit down for too long then my feet dont seem to work, and i cant be arsed to move..


For instance tonight, i must have been sat at this computer desk for about 5 hours! Facebook seems to make the minutes move faster, and so does ellie goulding 'your song' which i have been playing on repeat for about 3 of those 5 hours.


So i guessed you have gathered that i am simply not in the mood for anything right about now, so im going to leave on an 'optimistic' note (lol) and love you and leave you. Maybe not love you, but we'll see :D


short but simple, but...... 再见 :)

were growing up:)

So this is my second attempt at writing this blog, as i was searching through an ex's profile, trying to find our old conversations:(, my computer decides to turn off on me, oh well life does go on haha!

So ive come to the conclusion that we are finally growing up:/ we cant just hide behind our mummy's or daddy's and just laugh the pain away. We need to make decisions, its time to take the next journey we need to go on and that is sixth form/college/early jobs. I'm in high school and will be leaving in June-ish, part of me is like, Yeaaaaah! no school! going to be a blast! another part of me is like ohhhh dear ive got to get on and not be a kid anymore. Tis some scary sh1t.

 So another dilema that is before me at the moment is which place is the best?! this decision takes you to when your practically an adult, im absolutely cacking my pants about the future i have no idea what to do, and now i have no idea what to write about. See the thing is at the moment i seem to get distracted very easily, for instance im happy doing something for a short period of time but after a while i get bored. I get bored VERY easily. So what will stop me from getting bored in this new environment?! The best thing to do is go with what i do best, and i think im going to go to a local-ish college and do performing arts.

Sorry for the dead-beat blog, was just something that was plaguing my mind at the moment in time.

A certain bestfriend practically begged me for a mention, so heres to you francesca marsden, who inspired to start this in the first place, ... and how you say it 'love for you.

;)
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